When it comes to exercise, I think I’ll always be a slightly reluctant participant. Even after being so pleased with myself for running the 10k (okay, I walked a little bit of it), I have been finding it really hard to make myself put my trainers on again since I did it.
It’s still partly because I feel like a fraud. Like this isn’t really me, and that people are wondering who the hell I’m trying to kid when I stagger past them. And, I have to say, when you feel that way (and many people who are a bit on the chubby side probably do), it really doesn’t help to go into the kinds of shops that sell sports gear.
A couple of years ago, a friend of mine was incensed after a lunch-time outing to JJB. One biblical rant later, she revealed that she had asked an assistant to point her in the direction of the yoga pants, only to be told, “sorry, we don’t stock plus sizes.” She’s a size 14.
I knew how she felt after braving the aisles of a certain Stockport sports store on Sunday afternoon to buy winter running clothes. Except this size 14 was more inclined to cry than rant when faced with a sign that informed me that I could either buy a size LARGE (12-14), or a size EXTRA LARGE (14-16). They might as well just label anything over a size 12 ENORMOUS.
I should stick two fingers up at the figure fascists, buy the size that fits regardless of how they want to label me, and continue what I started when I signed up for the 10k. I should. But my ENORMOUS trousers and my ENORMOUS top are still sitting where I left them on Sunday - folded neatly on the kitchen table - because whenever I think about putting them on I know that I’m going to have to force my massive self out of the front door in full view of the mocking general public.
The ridiculous thing is that I actually want to run, even with the cold and the dark nights. Running was starting to make me feel better, and the mental hurdles were being jumped. So I’m summoning the strength in my arm and preparing to raise it and form my fingers into a V. And I’m doing it this week. Because I should.


